Quantcast

Living with Psoriatic Arthritis (PsA)

Dating?


#1

Hi everyone!

Although I am married, I thought this might be a good conversation for this part of the forum. Dating is a journey all in itself, and with PSA, well there’s an added “bonus”.
Being young, not a lot of people expect us to be sick, and it can be hard to broach the subject. Also the issue with scheduling can certainly get in the way.
Does anyone have any stories or tips on navigating the dating world while also having PSA?


#2

I'm single and not young, well, I'd like to think I'm extremely young at heart :-) I think dating at any age with this disease is difficult. I actually had a date scheduled for this past Sunday and had to cancel because of extreme/debilitating fatigue. Because I don't know him well and we may not hit it off, I didn't feel I needed to explain my disease to him at this point. So, I made up a plausible story and he was fortunately extremely gracious in re-scheduling. I was diagnosed in September 2012 and have not dated much since. So, I haven't had discuss it in detail.

So, I don't have answer for you, I'm very interested to hear what others have to say, because I'm also unsure about when do you tell someone, how much detail etc. Although I do think it's important to have a plan before you start dating someone - I don't have one !

FYI: I suggested that we start a sub group for singles and the moderators are going to set one up shortly.


#3

I went to a smallish middle school and high school. All the kids had known me for years with arthritis (my teachers in elementary school always had me give a talk / report to the class about my disease each year). So it was never an issue for the casual dating I did then. They all knew.

In college, I didn't disclose my arthritis until it seemed like my now-husband was a guy I really wanted to stick with for awhile, even though we didn't know each other for long. I think I disclosed within the first month? His main question was: tell me the worst it can get, so I know that right away. I didn't discuss my arthritis with other dates, because I could tell they weren't going anywhere long term. I never expected things to end up as they did (married 20 years now!), but they did. So there are some young guys out there who aren't thrown by this. My husband now says it was sort of nice to know up front, instead of being blindsided by arthritis after being married 5-10 years.

There use to be a cartoonist / blogger who wrote http://singlegalsguidetora.typepad.com/ and talked about dating and disclosing. It's old but a REALLY GREAT blog. Basically, she disclosed when it got to the point where her date would start seeing more of her, and it would be obvious she was taking meds / resting more than people her age, etc. Sometimes it came up naturally. I remember one time she was talking about how she used to do A LOT of yoga, but was just getting back into it. The guy asked why she stopped, and she disclosed her RA.


#4

I just turned 24 and have been dating my boyfriend for a little more then 2 years. He has honestly seen me at my complete worst, and is by my side every step of the way. He goes to all of my appointments and does everything he can to make sure I am as comfortable as possible.

The only thing I can really say is to try to find somebody that supports you 100%. It is hard sometimes since he doesn't know exactly what I am going through but he does his absolute best to understand it. Scheduling things can certainly be a pain sometimes. You all get it, it's not like we can predict when we are going to be feeling terrible and when we will be able to do normal activities. But being around supportive people really does make it easier. Having a good support group is key.

I personally told him my story right off the bat. I was worried that it would scare him away but I also didn't want to hide it from him. I went in with the attitude of take me as I am, or watch me as I go, and luckily he was supportive and willing to go through it all with me.


#5

hello there I myself am single now I have been divorced twice so far but when hit with this terrible diease the first time in my life I knew very little I was married for 25 years and he could not handle it the second husband knew about it but he really did not understand only that life was going to change a bit.I have learned through it all be honest and up front from the start no holds bar this is what I have this is what it does I thought to myself is there anyone out there that will except me for me with this terrible diease ! I have come to realize there is someone out there I met a very nice man and I told him all of it and I know for a fact he truly understands and excepts me for me .Hope this helped you good luck and god bless


#6

My experience: I met someone and we were very interested in each other. After he found out about the PsA he never called. For future, I would wait until a few dates and then slowly disclose information, as you may not even be interested in them after a few dates and then it's all for nothing! If they are looking for a partner to join in cycling, hiking, and the like, I would tell them I cannot do that physically right away. It's very hard to know how much and when to disclose our health situation as most men will run for the hills.


#7

Kiki and Marietta your husband and boyfriend give hope to all of us singles with PsA. They both sound like amazing, special men. I'm so glad you both found them ! :-)