I am a dismal failure.
I am a failure at 2 different PSa meds- Otezla mostly cleared my skin but did nothing for the arthritis. It also made the depression much worse to the point of suicidal thoughts . Orencia was the Rheumatologist’s 2nd choice but that has inflamed the Psoriasis worse and the arthritis pain was off the charts. My blood pressure was never high before is now high 184/95 today when it used to be 120/80 my weight has creeped up ( +30 in 6 months) and my thyroid medication has had to changed drastically a few times recently when it used to be under control for a few years. I am dizzy a lot lately and I fell last week ( I have the green and yellow bruises to prove it). I do use a cane (walking stick) but this time it failed me. Dermatologist wanted me to try Tremfya but Rheumatologist objected and got snotty with me as if i was the one googling meds on the internet. When I had the first bad reaction to Orencia I called the Rheumatologist to tell her but she didn’t return my calls. When I had the second infusion, I became nauseous and dizzy she came in at the insistence of the infusion nurse. Yes she agreed Orencia isn’t working for me. Meanwhile, I was as sick as a dog Thanksgiving. The Dermatologist wants me to try cosentyx. Rheumatologist wants to try Humira. Hubby wants me to listen to Rheumatologist but i’ve known dermatologist longer. Rheumatologist refuses to discuss how to coordinate care with my other doctors ( endocrinologist, dermatologist Primary care doctor) for some unknown reason. Meanwhile I am having extremely dry geye issues and I am under the care of an eye doctor.
I am tired and frustrated. Most days I can’t write, type without pain or tie my own shoes let alone drive. I barely got a pair of mukluks on my feet today because of the swelling - this is my new normal almost everyday. When I mention back pain the Rheumatologist dismisses it as not related to PSa. I don’t want to take prednisone for every flare up anymore. I don’t want pain killers but I don’t want to live in this level of pain anymore.
My last appointment last week was the bloody end. She noted I have “significant “ edema in my legs and arms so she sent me to my primary doctor. When I mention the intense pain spasms I get she poo pooed that as fibromyalgia. While I did not attend medical school I do have a limited understanding of the pain points of fibromyalgia. These pain spasms occur throughout my body - legs chest hands, elbows etc. Primary says edema is from weight gain due to depression/anxiety and lack of exercise. My hands and feet are freezing - Rheumatologist says it’s not Raynaud’s syndrome. I feel like i’m on a carousel that I can’t get off of. Hubby wants me to change Rheumatologists. Meanwhile the stress from all of this is really getting to me physically as well as mentally. I used to look forward to Christmas. Not now. I can barely get out of bed. On bad pain days I don’t. I feel like I am fighting an army all by myself and i’m losing the war. The winter knocks me down hard. It’s already cold here and I don’t know how much more I can take.